Movie review - Sex And The City 2

(This review was pretty much the result of a discussion between me and Pooey that took place in the car after we saw this movie. Spoilers abound so don't read on if you want to form your own opinion.)

Taking place two years after the events of the first SATC movie, after finally getting the things they've wanted for the last 10 years, we see life has not been so rosy for all the girls. Carrie is finding herself champing at the married bit despite finally pinning down Mr. Big, - after a hard day's work, he'd rather stay home and watch old movies while she wants to keep going out and party. Having finally reached a high level in the legal world, Miranda is finding herself faced with the dual challenges of balancing work and a boss who seems to hate her. Charlotte is finding it difficult to handle being a stay at home mother (despite the help of a hot, full-time, braless nanny), and Samantha is in menopause and fighting the loss of her sex drive.

Now, prior to the opening of this movie, I will admit to being a bit alarmed to various reviews calling this the WORST MOVIE EVER - if you can, please watch this highly entertaining review by Margaret Pomeranz and David Stratton. I was willing to bet that all these reviews were from non-fans and thus my expectations would be so low that I'd find this one just as entertaining as SATC 1.

I was wrong. I was so wrong. This movie is abominable, so I'm going to do a formal breakdown of why.

The plot. As Pooey said to me, the first movie didn't exactly break new ground but after a hiatus of several years, it was like catching up with old friends - a natural progression for the time and their personalities. This, on the other hand, was absolutely ridiculous. Part of the 'charm' of SATC series and movie was the dreamland where a writer could afford high fashion clothes and a wonderfully decorated apartment. As we all know, NYC was hit pretty hard by the GFC, but other than Carrie saying the market was not good for selling real estate we get none of that - everyone is still getting along quite affluently. I wonder which writer thought it would be pretty gauche to have them continue to do their high spending ways in NYC...and decided to up the girls up to one of the few places where conspicuous displays of wealth is still okay - Abu Dhabi. And we are hence presented with a heap of scenes that show Orientalism is alive and kicking. Middle Eastern women may all be veiled and therefore freaky-looking, but they're all wearing the same fashion pieces as us! Arab men on the other hand are all conservative and hating on women's freedom and sexuality - the only suitable p33n comes from Europe or the Aussie Rugby Team - cue the budgie smuggler close ups!

This then brings me to the characters, the acting, and the script. When the actors are saying classic lines such as "Abu Dhabi-doooooo!" or " Lawrence of my labia", it's kinda hard to judge if the acting is good. But then, we all know that there have been plenty of crap movies that I've enjoyed usually because the cast don't take what they're saying too seriously. This cast did not do that partly because we all know this was a money-making exercise following the success of the last movie, but also because the characters have basically been distilled to a singular trait that has made them unlikable. Miranda is a Type A who still struggles to balance work and family and spends the holiday planning things for the girls to do, Charlotte spends the entire time worrying about why her perfect life isn't perfect, Samantha still tries to sleep with anyone or complains about menopause and how she can't have her hormone pills in the UAE, and Carrie is still as self-absorbed as ever. As I said to Pooey, Samantha needs to realise the world doesn't run the way she wants it - despite REPEATED efforts from Miranda to explain how conservative the Middle East can be, she has no respect for the public decency laws, can't understand why she gets arrested for kissing someone in public, and then winds up a crowd of men by exclaiming "I HAVE SEX!!!" complete with thrusting. Carrie needs to #@$!ing grow up. Her husband works all day and wants to spend Monday night resting at home. I don't see what's so unreasonable about that but apparently it's something worth getting pissed off about because she wants to attend a movie premiere.

One of the iconic things about SATC was the use of fashion. Part of what makes this movie so abominable is that the costume and styling is bizarre to the point of ridiculousness. At Stanford and Anthony's wedding, Carrie wears a tux - fair enough. But she then tops it by wearing a...headband? Crown? Forehead cover? that makes her look like a witch. Or as Pooey said, "Disgusting." I can't find a photo of it, but if/when you see the movie, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

There's nothing outwardly wrong with Charlotte's outfit here.

Except that she's wearing vintage Valentino while trying to make cupcakes with her two kids and then gets angry when Lily puts handprints on her ass.

Then there's this ensemble which Carrie wore to the Souk.

That's right. She wore this to a STREET MARKET.

In one scene, Miranda has organised them to have lunch in the desert, and we're treated seeing them get out in the SAND in their stilettos. That was bad enough. The girls duly complain that they're not dressed appropriately. Miranda explains that since this trip was all expenses paid, she arranged their butlers to get them appropriate clothes.

And we're treated to seeing them stride over the dunes and ride camels while wearing this get up. As Suboo said, "YEUCH! But I feel Charlotte especially lucked out with the spandex!"

The updo was one of Carrie's trademarks, but combined with her long face accentuated by the amount of weight she's lost since the TV series started, the surgical changes and the altered makeup to hide that, not to mention the freaky Madonna arms, this makes Carrie/SJP look like The Alien Queen when shot from the side.

Okay, enough of this. It's like dissecting a car crash.

Put all together, I hope you can all understand when Pooey said her main feeling during the viewing was one of embarrassment for everyone involved in the production, and as a fan of the show. Even our fandom of the show could not erase how painfully bad this movie is. And when you think it can't get worse, there was a karaoke scene where the girls sing Helen Reddy's "I am Woman"

Gor, looking at Carrie/SJP's posing makes me want to slap her

As a happy karaoke-ista, karaoke is about bonding with your friends and having fun. Karaoke is not about singing well and they don't sing well so I won't hold that against them. But karaoke is DEFINITELY NOT about pushing an agenda. We're supposed to feel empowered and cheer along like the rest of the bar audience and again, remember that all women, no matter what culture you're from, are strong and powerful. But it's kinda hard to go *yeah!* when they've spent the rest of the movie basically giving the finger to the culture in which they're meant to be exploring and enjoying.

Despite my blasting, there are a few things that stop the movie from being an absolute shocker :

• The opening scenes showing brief 80s flashbacks and fashions as Carrie describes how they met each other was a bit fun.
• The marriage between Carrie and Charlotte's respective gay bffs Stanford and Anthony is also fun and super campy - Liza Minelli has still got it!
• The sole scene that rung true for me - when Miranda and Charlotte get drunk and discuss the difficulty of being mothers, wanting to work, and how difficult it is to explain that to others.
  
• And...well...I guess the sets were pretty nice, especially Big and Carrie's apartment...

...but that's pretty much it...

And so to end, Pooey told me that since I'd get my review out much faster than hers (if she does it at all), I may use her quote:

"I beg, beg, BEG you, please stop."

That's all that needs to be said.
2/10
Believe it or not, when I started writing this, the rating was actually a 4. After writing and editing this entry, the shockerdom would rear it's head. Yes, it's definitely down there with Paranormal Activity.