Friday, July 15, 2011

Movie review - Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon

It's been a few years since the events of the last Transformers movie, and while the future looked as though it would be bright, life has not quite turned out the way Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBoeuf). Despite saving the world (twice), he can't find a job. And even the bright sides have dark bits - he's got and even hotter girlfriend in the form of Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely) but it's her paycheck keeing him in their HUGE DC apartment, and her boss happens to be McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey). Also, Bumblebee hasn't been hanging around as much. Diddums. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime (my great robot love) is angry because after visiting Chernobyl, he finds Cybertronian technology there - but after Buzz Aldrin (seriously, THE Buzz Aldrin) explains that the moon landing/space race was totally about investigating the ship of Sentinel Prime (LEONARD NIMOY) which crashed on the dark side of the moon, it....Why am I even bothering to explain the plot? This is a TRANSFORMERS film. And more than that, this is a Michael Bay film. 


People, this movie is one great hot mess. Everything that makes movies so bad it's good is here. Gosh, where do I start?


  • The fact that the robots are better actors than the real live actors (love you, Optimus Prime!)
  • The extremely hammy acting from people who've clearly taken this for the paycheck - John Malkovich and Frances McDormand, I'm looking at you.
  • The obligatory freeway chase sequence, particularly the bit where Bumblebee throws Sam into the air, transforms to avoid a burning wreck, then grabs Sam and transforms back into a car. Awesomeness
  • Two words - John Turturro.
  • McDreamy's hair and suit. 
  • The absolutely shameless product placement. Absolutely shameless.
I'm going to have an entire section for Rosie Huntington-Whitely.
  • The fact that they totally play up that this girl is way out of someone like Shia LeBoeuf's league 
  • And she really is a pretty girl but she is officially an even worse actress than Megan Fox. She's so bad it's hilarious.
  • She may not be able to act, but she sure can run in high heels!
  • And pout the entire time, even when speaking!
But as with my appreciation of the last two movies, the fact that everyone seems to be treating this as the joke it is, makes the entire thing HIGHLY enjoyable! Yes, despite all the ridicule I heap on it, it was damn entertaining. Switch your brain off and enjoy the ride.


Nobody really thought I was ever going to hate this, did you?!
7-8/10!

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