Decline

I was once the spectator of a heated debate about the values of music and comparing whether Radiohead was better than Red Hot Chilli Peppers between Mischka and Dave G. I say spectator to rather than participant because I literally just sat there and watched them verbally duke it out. As I listened to how each lined up their arguments and rebuttal, I found myself becoming increasingly apathetic about the entire issue. When asked what I thought, I said, "I don't particularly like either band," to which I received an eye roll and the disparaging comment, "Well, I suppose you like Maroon5."

I suppose you're wondering what the point of that anecdote was. In a nutshell, I'm finding myself increasingly saying and thinking things such as, "I don't care, I have no opinion on that, I'm not interested," and so forth. And then last night, a character in the book that I'm currently reading said "You have to be interested to be interesting," and it made me seriously wonder - "What was the last thing I was interested in?" As in, really interested enough in something to dig up information and absorb as much knowledge on a topic as possible? Not something like "I wonder what Yoann Gourcuff's brother is named?" When was the last time I fulfilled what was said about me at my 21st birthday party - that I had an opinion on everything?

This might seem like over introspective, highly self-indulgent claptrap but I really am concerned that, at a point where I should be questioning and dynamic, I instead seem to be devoid of intellectual passion. My last hope is that this is a byproduct of concentrating too long on the PhD that has become increasingly frustrating and crushing my cheer the way the senior academics said it would. So people, how do I increase my interest in things and thus, become more interesting?