Movie review - 2012

Disaster porn!!! In the spirit of other movies such as Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow, and basically any other movie where we get to see the CGI widescale destruction of something comes 2012 - where we get to see the ENTIRE world destroyed!

In the year 2009, solar flares are causing a disturbance in the action of neutrinos (cough), leading to the rapid destabilisation of the Earth's crust and movement of tectonic plates. Dr. Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is running a race to try and save the human race before that happens. In the year 2012, Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) is a failed writer, now acting as a chauffeur to Russian oligarch Yuri Karpov (Zlatko Buric) and his family and girlfriend. Curtis is also separated from his wife Kate (Amanda Peet) and the movie picks up when he attempts to take his two kids Noah and Lily camping at Yellowstone. In an attempt to find the romantic place in the park he shared with Kate, Curtis finds that the lake has evaporated. He also meets Dr. Helmsley who tells him it's classified, and a conspiracy theorist (Woody Harrelson) who tells him that the world is about to end but that the rich people have created ships to keep themselves alive. Random earthquakes are happening on a greater scale and frequency all around the world and the boarding process alerts Yuri that it's time to go. An offhanded comment by his shitty kids makes Curtis realise that the crazy theorist was CORRECT! and he heads to LA to try to save his family. We are then treated to TWO HOURS OF SEEING THE WORLD BEING DESTROYED IN SPECTACULAR FASHION!!!!

As with the Transformers movies and various other BDFs (Big Dumb Films) reviewed here, you should know exactly what you're buying into when you hand over your money for that ticket. Anyone expecting a plausible plot, an excellent script, and prize-winning acting from this...well, the Yuri is excellent when he delivers the *It's Russian* line...but otherwise, I think you need to examine how and why you select films.

2012 is highly enjoyable mush in which we get to see an earthquake literally tear up LA and plunge it into the ocean. It's awesome watching all those skyscrapers explode! Other highlights include watching Yellowstone explode Mt. St. Helens-style, the SS. John F. Kennedy capsizing onto Washington DC., the dome of St. Peter's collapsing and crushing everyone in the Vatican, tsunamis ruling the world, the list goes on. They've put a lot of money into the CGI and many very amusing destruction sequences ensue!

As you can probably tell, I enjoyed myself immensely! My main complaints are thus:

• I know that one of the staples of this genre is to kill main characters, but I was really upset with the carnage! It was noted by fellow spectator Brian Munich that this movie was really good at making you bond with certain characters...and then kill them in such a fashion that you couldn't even hope for their survival! Heartbreaking.
• Ignoring Australia! Why is Australia ignored in these movies? I think it would have been awesome to see a tsunami wash into the desert and turn Uluru/Ayers Rock into an island! Or an earthquake split the Harbour Bridge in two! Think about it - great CGI sequence in my head right there.
• It's a very long movie. I know that it's very long just to satisfy my desire for disasters and carnage but 158 minutes in a very uncomfortable seat (curse and bless you, Greater Union Bourke St!) made me want some of the sequences to be shorter. Sacrilege, I know.

Anyway, I have no reservations in telling people to go watch this. It is big, stupid, enjoyable, and recommended! Would I watch it again? Probably not because it is so long but I can't deny that is Big, Dumb, and undeniably fun. What are your other options right now? New Moon? Pfft. Just make sure your seat is comfortable.
6.5-7.5/10 (The 6.5 is because of the discomfort rating)