Student food review - Eastern Kitchen, Union House Melb Uni

Dr. I is back in Melbs from NYC. She'll happily tell you that Eastern Kitchen (or EK for short) is her favourite place to eat. Yes, for her, it's right up there with Vue de Monde. I'm not sure if it's my favourite place, in fact I know it's not, but in terms of price to quality, it's right up there!

(Photo of EK not taken due to my fear they'll never let me order again)

EK is has a Chinese-Malaysian based and consists of a bain-marie foods such as black-bean beef, sweet and sour pork etc, as well as a menu of things cooked to order. Ignore the bain-marie (unless you're starving or in a rush), and order off the menu. The order menu has things such as fried rice, won ton noodles, crispy fried noodles, and so forth. All of the items on the menu are under $10 - I think the most expensive things are $7, probably because they have seafood in them like the Seafood Laksa. The regulars I order are Tom Yum Chicken soup noodles, Chicken Laksa soup noodles, and Char Kway Teo.

Cha kway teo!

All of these dishes do contain actual meat and actual vegetables. As you can see in that pic, it does actually have beanshoots, spring onions and onion onions, and beef. Okay, it doesn't have chinese sausage and prawns but I think it's still acceptable! The laksa is perhaps not a true curry flavour and I often have to spice it up by putting in a spoon of chilli sauce but I'll accept that too! The dishes are of also of a respectable size. In the past I have previously eaten only half and stored the rest for a later meal (during my hardcore days), or have consumed the entire bowl/box to the astonishment of my workmates who wondered where the food went (into my hollow leg).

Now the real kicker about EK is that when Dr. I came back after 3 years away from Uni, she took one look at the menu and said, "Three years and still the same price!" It actually wasn't - it has increased in price...but all the dishes are still $7 or cheaper! The cha kway teo is in fact only $6.50 (up from $6 in 2009) but for that price, I'll accept that lack of prawns in the mix!

Movie review - Toy Story 3(D)

Name me a trilogy where the third movie is the best. The original Star Wars? Return of the Jedi was wrecked by the Ewoks. Godfather part III? Don't make me laugh! Okay, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is pretty entertaining, I'm not sure if it's better than Raiders of the Lost Ark...but enough of this because I would like to review Toy Story 3 and start off by declaring it as good as the other two...AND POSSIBLY THE BEST!!!

*SPOILERS ABOUND IN THIS REVIEW*

Eleven years after Toy Story 2 and FIFTEEN (!!!) years after Toy Story 1, Andy is now about to head to college - his toy collection is now greatly reduced in size and down to a handful of favourite toys such as Woody, Buzz, Jessie, the Potatoheads, etc. Those who are left are worried about their futures - they're not keen on being thrown out but are willing to be stored in the attic if that means they can stay together. When Andy decides to take Woody to college and store the others in the attic, a bag mix up results in them nearly being sent to the rubbish tip, and then all, including Woody, being actually sent to Sunnyside Daycare Centre. Here, they're welcomed by the genial Lotso the Lotso'huggin' bear (Ned Beatty) who states that at Sunnyside, there's an endless supply of kids who will keep playing with them - a toy's heaven, if you well. There are new friends, and Barbie falls in love with her soulmate, Ken (Michael Keaton) and his large number of clothes and accessories. The gang decide that they would rather stay at Sunnyside and be played with rather than attempt the dangerous return journey, with the exception of Woody who wants to return, so the toys part ways. But Lotso, sadistically twisted after being replaced when lost on a daytrip, runs Sunnyside as a prison for toys - breaking the spirits and bodies of new toys by forcing them into the pre-school room who don't realise they're age-inappropriate. But is it better to be broken and played with or abandoned and forgotten?!

Everything about this movie is so great, I almost don't know where to start with the gushing. It's difficult to articulate what's so great about it other than telling you to go see it yourself. As with all Pixar films (except Cars), the animation, story, and acting of TS3 are top notch.

As we all know, CGI has advanced in leaps and bounds since TS1 came out, but the animators have resisted the urge to make things look more realistic in a Finding Nemo or Wall-E way, instead sticking to the bright blocky palette of the original. But movement between expression is clearer...except where deliberately left to be clunky such as the jerky movements of Ken and Barbie's fused joints! The detail on Lotso's fur moving from fluffy to mottled and dirty as time and weather conditions pass, Mr. Potatohead's plastic shell covered in sand or his floppiness when he becomes a pitabread...all amazing.

But the glossy visuals mean nothing without a killer story to back it up! (Take note, Avatar!) As you can probably tell by that long plot summary/introduction, the story is a bit more sad and emotional than the previous movies, dealing instead with themes of growing up, letting go, the bonds of friendship, abandonment, courage, loss, and redemption. No one ever wants to be discarded from the lives of the people you love but kids grow up, pets get old, toys get broken or forgotten...its all very sad reality for the lives of humans and toys. And although your heart may be broken when the one you love moves on, you can't let yourself get bitter and twisted like Lotso - you have to man up and realise that life goes on like the pre-loved toys at Bonnie's house! There are so many moments of suspense and horror! From when they are accidentally sent to the curb for the garbage to when they end up at Sunnyside, when Buzz discovers the truth of Sunnyside but is forcibly reset to factory setting and acts as the other toys' gaoler, Woody's distress at Chuckles the Clown's retelling of Lotso's history and the conditions in which he's left his friends, their dramatic break out, and the ending when Andy finally realises that although he has so many good memories of his toys they're better off being given to someone who will love and keep playing with them. It's all good.

And the acting! We all know the previous actors do their stuff and do it well, so just looking at the new toys or the ones with expanded roles...Ned Beatty who switches from jovial to menacing in mere words, Jody Benson (Ariel the Little Mermaid!) showing that Barbie may seem like a bimbo but she's an intelligent woman at heart, and But most important is the voice acting combined with the animated faces! I can only give you a description of the Incinerator scene when the toys realise they can't out-run a garbage incinerator. From the moment Jessie looks at Buzz and lets out a ragged, "Buzz, what are we gonna do?"...the look of resignation upon their faces as the toys one by one link hands and accept the worst possible fate of death...it's right up there with the pain on Optimus Prime's face as he died in Transformers 2! I even sat there and thought *they're NOT really going to end the trilogy like this...ARE THEY?!?!* It's a most torrid and convincing combination of acting there is.

My main note of criticism is that we watched TS3 in 3D. Save your money and don't do this. As far as I could tell, I doubt there was any particular sequence which was enriched by the use of 3D. Or it was so seamless that I didn't notice it. *shrug* Also, I guess the scene where the Chatter Telephone explains how the toys won't be able to escape Sunnyside because of the Monkey Guard...that Monkey is pretty scary! Me and Pooey actually turned to each other with fear in our eyes!

Seriously, this movie is amazing. It made me feel bad that last year at the grand age of 28, I decided to pack up my childhood ties and sell them on ebay. Except not my favourite - a raggy, somewhat disgusting old toy named Kanga (it's a 'roo) that I received when I was 4. I had to go home and give Kanga and Watermelon Pooh a hug. In the words of Pooey - one of the best movies I've seen in a long time! If you haven't watched it or made plans to, I think you should!
9/10

Saving money fail...or WIN!!!

I've been working slightly more than usual lately - being called in to cover for people who are ill or having to work more because people want more work done within a shorter amount of time. This has meant that

1. By being paid by the hour, I am able to charge more hours than usual!
2. Full time work is kinda annoying because I've gotten used to being able to leave uni whenever I felt like it
3. But I'm going to receive slightly more money when I look at my bank account!
   

And you know, with the sales currently on it's been difficult to not to go nuts in anticipation of having money. I feel I've been quite restrained in the grand scheme of things. Other than the metal lizard shoes, I've only spent $50 on stockings and another $70 on books. The restraint pretty was shot this week, although to be fair, the items I bought were mostly on sale so we can all decide whether it was a win or a fail!

Believe it or not, despite my love of red and my love of strapless dresses, I don't own a strapless red dress. This has now been rectified.

Alannah Hill Roses Everywhere! frock with AH Hug me Slowly belt.
I didn't intend on buying anything but I was killing time while Suboo was getting her makeup done. I tried this dress on and decided to buy it...and was then pleasantly surprised to discover a discount on top of already discounted frocks for a total discount of close to 50%!

Ma wanted to go shopping after dropping Pooey off a l'aeroporto so we chugged on down to DFO. I finally got myself a new clutch purse because although it has served me well for the last 4 years (I think), I've recently began to feel it was time to retire faithful purple.

And that's how I got crocodile red.
All purses were $75 or a discount of more than 50%. When she entered the store and saw me holding three purses, upon being told that they were $75 each, Ma asked if I was going to buy all three. Kekeke.

So yes. While perhaps not the greatest week for savings, have I not ultimately saved? I will say this though - one last shopping go this season might be required because I have to finally concede that one of my pairs of jeans is definitely too large and actually it looks quite terrible. Any volunteers to help me find a pair?

Bacon gumball review

A few weeks ago, Dr. I posted a picture of a tin of bacon flavoured gumballs on the book of face with the caption 'Only in America'. Going against the flow as I often do, despite many people decrying about how awful they must be I found myself intrigued at how the combination of savoury bacon and sweet gummy flavour would work. Wonder no more!!! The gumballs have arrived and in the grand scientific tradition of self-testing and experimental replication, I can no report on how they taste!

Opening the tin, you'll find yourself assaulted with an intial aroma of artificial smokey-bacon flavour in conjunction with the rubbery undertone of gumball. Upon putting one of these in my mouth...when the gumball shell cracked, a dry, smoke-like flavour expanded throughout my mouth, permeating my soft mucous membranes and continuing down my throat. I felt as though an actual smoke cloud was there, so I would describe the experience as to akin to smoking cigarettes although given that I've never smoked a cigarette ever (yes, this is true), I could be wrong. The initial 'smoke' is then juxtaposed by the sweetness of gum leading to a flavour best described as a melange of smoke and rubber. The awfulness made me laugh and I eventually had to eject the gum and swill my mouth out with glasses (yes, plural) of water. As one of my audience said, "I wish I had a video camera to record that!"

Pooey's description, "...like eating the remnants of a burnout."

Scientists are a curious bunch, in being both inquisitive and also of a strange nature, and so I was highly entertained going around ACB asking various people if they wanted a bacon gumball. From Honours Student to Associate Professor, one could track the piquing of interest, followed by the horror induced by the scent, the resolute attitude of whether they were up to the challenge, an initial confusion in response to the initial flavour, disgust in response to the second, and then either humour or declarations of how evil I am. So regardless of edible rating and whether they fulfill their promise of being a bacon-flavoured gumball, there is definitely much entertainment to be had from them!

Painting of the week - The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory, 1931
Museum of Modern Art, New York
(Source)

Salvador Dali is the favourite artist of many people, no doubt due to his strange, and instantly recognisable images. The Persistence of Memory is possibly his most recognisable painting, filled with the iconic image of the melting clocks. There are many interpretations of this but the melting clocks have been seen to representsthe irrelevance of time, reinforced by the fob covered in ants indicating rot and decomposition. But these dreamlike images with the deformed and fading human-like figure in the middle are juxtaposed with the beach and cliffs, indentifiable as being from Dali's home and childhood experiences. So perhaps then what we're seeing is how time is rendered 'soft' by memory, but the eventual decay of memories changes our ability to perceive time.

As an aside, the incredibly amazing thing is how small the image actually is. At 24 x 33cm, it's just over the size of an A4 sheet. And having seen this in real life, the tininess really reinforced what a great draughtsman Dali is/was!

False advertising?

Last week I met up with Lydia for a post-jungle holiday catch up. (Just to clarify, she went to the jungle, not me kekeke.) Tired of eating hawker asian and various other semi-fast food, she decided we should eat at +39, a pizza bar. Now, despite the title of this blog entry, +39 was pretty good! For future visitors, I highly HIGHLY recommend the pizza that has leek on it, I can't remember its actual name. Tirolese? Something like that. Either way, it has leek on it. What's got me opining in a rambling manner is the truffle vs. truffle oil problem.

Now, I love truffles. That wonderfully earthy aroma, backed up by the flavour explosion when they hit your mouth *gargling sound*. But I also love truffle oil - because let's face it, truffles are expensive for a reason and when you can't shell out for the black stuff, the black-infused (or even artificially flavoured, I guess) oil will suffice. Just a bit of a drizzle over some leaves and you can win friends with salad! However, when you're telling me something has truffles, I expect there to be truffles, not truffle oil.

$24 for something that has truffles?! Sold!!!

:O Where are my truffles?!?!

Now, I don't profess to be a gastronomic expert but looking at the pizza, I'm not entirely convinced there are truffles on it. That greyish-brown stuff at the border of the topping and crust could be pureed/minced truffles but neither of us are entirely sure and it's definitely not the way I've ever had them served before. The pizza is still tasty but alas, I doubt that it's due to 'the diamond of the kitchen'.

CLASSIC SONG!!!

Dedicated to my AWESOME chum Suboo. The lyrics so apt!

Thumbs down to men who aren't manly enough and hobags who think they've won trophies!

:O

Iker has shaved off his conquistador beard!!!

To quote Kickette: Now Pepe Reina approved!

I'm torn - although we first fell in love when he was clean shaven, I got used to the beard. He looks younger and you can see the jawline and killer cheekbones better, with the beard he looked more *manly* and dare I say, *all-conquering*? Oioi? Oioi!!!

Mmmm, so manly. You can also see the metal hat and breastplate as he steps off the ship!

Bounce away!

Beard in profile
I actually highly recommend you click and open this picture because it is HUGE!!!

Having said that, as one of the comments on the original Kickette post note, the last time he shaved his beard, he broke up with his then-girlfriend. Hmmm, now now, don't stress out, we haven't decided to divorce! Kekeke.

Song of the week - Spybreak! by Propellerheads

This song came on while I was in the gym the other day...and by golly those big beats made me work it hard! You may also recognise it as the song that featured in the lobby fight scene in The Matrix (one of my favourite movies) so it also made me feel like cartwheeling around the exercise bikes and roundhouse kick a weight sets!

Some people are so hot, it's unfair

I was looking at Kickette to console myself this morning following Spain's the shock 0-1 loss to Switzerland, and sure enough they delivered a way to cheer me up!

Member of the Spanish National Team, Real Madrid, and the most important team of all - my box of hotties, Xabi Alonso

Even with the gingerbeard, or maybe I'm developing a thing for male facial-fur, this man is BEAUTIFUL. As an aside, I did think for a moment that the title to the article that they posted this on referred to the fact that he'd probably always smell nice. Mmmmm Xabismells.....

Some anecdotes

On the 1km walk home from the bus stop to my house...there's a streetlight that always extinguishes when I walk past. Always. This is my superpower.

Now that the weather has turned cold, I have observed the following things

- My track pants for the gym are really good at stopping the cold wind from getting to my legs. My actual normal wear trousers are less so.

- Some people (girls) seem to think that putting a pair of leggings under a pair of shorts = winter wear.

I've started re-listening to Les Miserables (mostly on youtube), and for the video for the 10th Anniversary Dream Cast version of "A Heart Full of Love":

Features the following comment from behindthymask which made me laugh: Princess Jasmine vs. Pocahontas! Go go go!

After a few months of working part time, the thought of gearing up to full time work is depressing. No more will I be able to just say *hmmm, I'm going to fly to X for the weekend - I'll just send an email saying I'm not coming in on Friday/Monday* To this I say BOOOOO!!!

Sport of the Year!!!

Long time readers of this blog will be aware that I try to do something known as *Sport of the Year* - at the beginning of the year, I find a new sport at which I have no experience and try to attain some sort of proficiency in it. Well, I finally have my sport of 2010. It is shooting.

*crickets chirp*

I know what most of you are thinking: *Who is crazy enough to give Mallymoodle a gun?* Well, I was invited to handle some firepower on a wintry afternoon by Mrs. K because she wanted to shoot (a gun) before her dirty 30 and we went to the outer suburbs to the firing range.

Getting attired with my eye and ear protection!

Patiently watching Mrs. K receive instructions and taking aim...when are they giving me my gun?!?!

Possibly kinda important, apparently I'm supposed to hold the gun upsides rather than sideways in my hand

And making sure I point it in the 'right' direction

Getting more advice...although interestingly, not how to aim the gun...

Reloading. As Mr. K said, "Errr...you looked scarily comfortable and competent handling that thing..."

EAT LEAD, TARGET!!!!

"Don't you cheek me, mister!!!*

We both found the experience highly invigorating! You think it's easy to hold up something and aim it at something that's only 20m away, but it's not! Out of 25 bullets, I only hit the target once. I'm not concerned, it just means when a gun is in my hand, EVERYONE is in danger cos I'll spray them anywhere! I hit it more often once I was moved from the revolver to the semi-automatic pistol - when you're shooting one of those, it's like you can just fire away one after the other like a movie, if only I could hold the revolver in one hand and the pistol in the other with crossed arms, John Woo-style! Oooh yeah!

And so, the two of us have discovered a new sporting experience was as well as instilling fear into Mr. K! We're all going shooting again in a fortnight somewhere closer in! Stay away from Port Melb, people!

Peaceful shooting, people!
(Always Asian!)

Stories from the salon - The Cut

I've been thinking about cutting my hair off for quite a while now. A number of factors have resulted in my having long hair for many years. For one, I like the simplicity of long hair - it's perfect for lab work because it's easily restrained, and then it's easy to style it for formal occasions. I'm also extremely lazy and its just easy ti tie back. Also, due to a combination of poverty and time constraints, I don't get my hair cut often - probably around once every six months. But recently it's occurred to me whenever I left the salon that I'd been walking out with what I walked in - long layered hair. And I started thinking: *Time for a change!* and so an appointment was duly booked in 6 weeks in advance

As some of you may remember, I experimented using the InStyle programme. But while the bob seemed to look okay on me, I was unsure about it - especially the bangs/fringe. My female friends were all *yeah!*, while the male friends were *no!*
Or in the case of Spuey, "All girls look better with long hair! Name me one who looks good with short hair!"
My reply, "Audrey Hepburn?"
"Better with long hair."
As time to appointment steadily grew closer, I kept insisting that I was going to cut my hair off, while wondering if I should. Eventually, something made me think of Natalie Portman's character in Closer and the range of hairstyles she sported - pixie, Louise Brooks-esque bob, longer bob, blonde wig, and then long curls.

Wow, she looks good with that hair...just like Pooey, I wish hairstyles came with face transplants

And so I took half a day off work, gave this pic to my hairstylist. Cue this conversation:
"So! Last time you were here, we said we were going to cut your hair off!"
"I still want to but....do you think this would suit me?"
"YES!!!...but I'm going to cut it longer so that it hits your shoulders."
"That's good cos I think she has a longer neck than me."
So I sat back and didn't look up from the magazine as I could feel my hair getting shorter and shorter. And then all of a sudden, we were done! The real shock came when I went to move my hair from beneath my scarf and there was nothing to move!

I went back to work and was met with a number of screams, declarations that I looked younger/sophisticated/peppy/Asian (duh)/good.

Nothing like posing in front of a whiteboard listing experiments to be done

So I guess it's a successful cut and a significant enough change to alter the way I look. Well, except for one person who said, "Something's different' about you."
"I cut a good 15-20cm off my hair."
"No, that's not it."
"Yes, I had long hair this morning and now it's short."
"No, I think it's because you're not wearing glasses."

Painting of the week - Ginevra de' Benci by Leonardo

Leonardo da Vinci, Ginevra de'Benci, c. 1474-8

National Gallery of Art, Washington DC
(Source)

Believe it or not, only about 20 paintings have been attributed to Leonardo da Vinci, two of which have been lost (The Battle of Anghiari, Leda and the Swan), many of which are unfinished (St. Jerome in the wilderness, Adoration of the Magi) and others which are disputed. Ginevra is one of the few (almost) universally accepted paintings by Leonardo.

Believed to be painted to commemorate her engagement to Luigi Niccolini in 1474 or commissioned by Bernardo Bembo with whom Ginevra had a platonic friendship, she gazes somewhat emotionlessly at the viewer. Well-known for her intelligence, the idea that she might have a difficult personality to boot is reinforced by her being surrounded by a prickly halo formed by the bush behind her. That's actually a joke - the bush is her namesake, a juniper

Cakes and cookies and booze!

Today I left work early to bake a cake for ACB bake-off

Caramel and pear upside-down cake aka FAILcake
(It's not upside down, yet)

and then just in case the cake failed (it failed epically the last time I made it), I made some back up cookies!!!

Yes, I baked ALL THESE COOKIES as a back up

And then I went back into the city for dinner at HUTONG with Mischka, Gordo, and The Client. But first, Mischka and I went to 1806 for pre-dinner drinks seeing as the door staff said our table wouldn't be ready for a while.

The 1806 booze wall

My frangelico, fresh lime juice, with a side of soda

Spare cookies for eating

Mischka getting comfy

This is not from dinner, but here's a bonus pic of Pomish pierogi! Miam miam

World Cup Hotties...and an Ugly :(

So! The 2010 World Cup starts on June 11 (yay! and eep!) and to celebrate, I was going to write a post profiling one hot player from each team. Unfortunately, my knowledge of the players on certain teams (e.g. North Korea, Algeria) is not fantastic and the various supplements I've read don't seem to have headshots of teams. The FIFA site does for some teams but not for teams you'd think would have profile pics up such as France and Germany, much to my surprise (but they do for North Korea?!) .

So I've decided to make a hot list based purely on various profile shots that I could find and personal requests from various friends who wanted particular players included in this list (Hai VB! Hai Nance!).

Argentina - Gonzalo (Gonzo) Higuain
The love of vanillabear's life...maybe :P

Australia - Tim Cahill
Sorry, he didn't pose shirtless for his official pic

Brazil - Kaka
So fresh, so clean

Cote d'Ivoire - Yaya Toure
I don't think he's particularly hot, but it amuses me how he looks like you are his enemy and he will get you

Denmark - Niklas Bendtner
Damn Bendtner! (aka pantless Nicky)

England - Fabio Capello
Seriously, after looking at the squad and then seeing Don Fabio pimping it in his profile pic, even KH agreed he was the hottie of the team

France - Yoann Gourcuff
Lashes

Germany - Manuel Neuer
Like a Rolf...okay probably not the best comparison

Italy - Fabio Cannavaro
Cannagrin :(

Mexico - Carlos Vela
Apple Thief

South Africa - Bongani Khumalo
Dimples!...although he kinda looks like 50cent...

Spain - Iker Casillas
My husband the Conquistador

USA - Carlos Bocanegra
Not the best pic of him - the video explains it much better (turn off the sound)

So for those of you are not fans of the game, I hope this has made you all look forward to it! If I've missed anyone or you flat out disagree, feel free to voice your opinions! And in all sense of fairness, I feel I need to include one Ugly to balance the Hot.

Italy - Andrea Pirlo
Poor guy, beaten with the ugly stick

New shoes! And Nostalgia drink!

Last night was an old school drinking/party night and I prettied up to party it out with Mischka at NickChup's bday drinks at The Mint and Merv's goodbye drinks at Manchuria.

I decided to wear a new pair of shoes that Pooey purchased. At 10cm, I decided to wear some flats while driving and because I intended on swinging by the lab before heading out. Turns out that decision was pretty good because Pooey's shoes didn't fit around my heels! I had to shuffle around as though I was a child wearing mama's too big shoes.

And so while I was waiting for Mischka to come into the city, as I gazed down from the corner of William and Lt. Lonsdale, the bubble bridge of Melbourne Central winked back at me and I thought *STUFF IT!! I'M GOING TO BUY NEW SHOES!!!* So I shuffled down those 2.5 blocks and bought myself a pair of these:

These are comments from The Pom after seeing this photo:

The Pom says: dude
The Pom says: i m not being silly but those are AWESOME shoes
The Pom says: they look like they are made from metal snakes

After we got these and exclaimed about how hot they were, Mischka and I decided to have dinner at Oriental Spoon. Alas, there were no Handsome Jacks attending on us. Cafe hiring fail.

Mischka had been o/s and therefore dug straight into the kimchi

My cinnamon tea. A nostalgia drink!

Remembering the good times from 1993

I don't have any pics from the actual celebratory drinks but I'm sure they'll turn up on the book of face sometimes soon.

Song of the week - 愛在西元前 (Ài Zài Xī Yuán Qián) [Love Before the Century] by Jay Chou

I'm so worn out from the SATC2 review, I couldn't be bothered thinking of a piece of art to erase the pain, so I'm bringing you all some classic Jay Chou

Movie review - Sex And The City 2

(This review was pretty much the result of a discussion between me and Pooey that took place in the car after we saw this movie. Spoilers abound so don't read on if you want to form your own opinion.)

Taking place two years after the events of the first SATC movie, after finally getting the things they've wanted for the last 10 years, we see life has not been so rosy for all the girls. Carrie is finding herself champing at the married bit despite finally pinning down Mr. Big, - after a hard day's work, he'd rather stay home and watch old movies while she wants to keep going out and party. Having finally reached a high level in the legal world, Miranda is finding herself faced with the dual challenges of balancing work and a boss who seems to hate her. Charlotte is finding it difficult to handle being a stay at home mother (despite the help of a hot, full-time, braless nanny), and Samantha is in menopause and fighting the loss of her sex drive.

Now, prior to the opening of this movie, I will admit to being a bit alarmed to various reviews calling this the WORST MOVIE EVER - if you can, please watch this highly entertaining review by Margaret Pomeranz and David Stratton. I was willing to bet that all these reviews were from non-fans and thus my expectations would be so low that I'd find this one just as entertaining as SATC 1.

I was wrong. I was so wrong. This movie is abominable, so I'm going to do a formal breakdown of why.

The plot. As Pooey said to me, the first movie didn't exactly break new ground but after a hiatus of several years, it was like catching up with old friends - a natural progression for the time and their personalities. This, on the other hand, was absolutely ridiculous. Part of the 'charm' of SATC series and movie was the dreamland where a writer could afford high fashion clothes and a wonderfully decorated apartment. As we all know, NYC was hit pretty hard by the GFC, but other than Carrie saying the market was not good for selling real estate we get none of that - everyone is still getting along quite affluently. I wonder which writer thought it would be pretty gauche to have them continue to do their high spending ways in NYC...and decided to up the girls up to one of the few places where conspicuous displays of wealth is still okay - Abu Dhabi. And we are hence presented with a heap of scenes that show Orientalism is alive and kicking. Middle Eastern women may all be veiled and therefore freaky-looking, but they're all wearing the same fashion pieces as us! Arab men on the other hand are all conservative and hating on women's freedom and sexuality - the only suitable p33n comes from Europe or the Aussie Rugby Team - cue the budgie smuggler close ups!

This then brings me to the characters, the acting, and the script. When the actors are saying classic lines such as "Abu Dhabi-doooooo!" or " Lawrence of my labia", it's kinda hard to judge if the acting is good. But then, we all know that there have been plenty of crap movies that I've enjoyed usually because the cast don't take what they're saying too seriously. This cast did not do that partly because we all know this was a money-making exercise following the success of the last movie, but also because the characters have basically been distilled to a singular trait that has made them unlikable. Miranda is a Type A who still struggles to balance work and family and spends the holiday planning things for the girls to do, Charlotte spends the entire time worrying about why her perfect life isn't perfect, Samantha still tries to sleep with anyone or complains about menopause and how she can't have her hormone pills in the UAE, and Carrie is still as self-absorbed as ever. As I said to Pooey, Samantha needs to realise the world doesn't run the way she wants it - despite REPEATED efforts from Miranda to explain how conservative the Middle East can be, she has no respect for the public decency laws, can't understand why she gets arrested for kissing someone in public, and then winds up a crowd of men by exclaiming "I HAVE SEX!!!" complete with thrusting. Carrie needs to #@$!ing grow up. Her husband works all day and wants to spend Monday night resting at home. I don't see what's so unreasonable about that but apparently it's something worth getting pissed off about because she wants to attend a movie premiere.

One of the iconic things about SATC was the use of fashion. Part of what makes this movie so abominable is that the costume and styling is bizarre to the point of ridiculousness. At Stanford and Anthony's wedding, Carrie wears a tux - fair enough. But she then tops it by wearing a...headband? Crown? Forehead cover? that makes her look like a witch. Or as Pooey said, "Disgusting." I can't find a photo of it, but if/when you see the movie, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

There's nothing outwardly wrong with Charlotte's outfit here.

Except that she's wearing vintage Valentino while trying to make cupcakes with her two kids and then gets angry when Lily puts handprints on her ass.

Then there's this ensemble which Carrie wore to the Souk.

That's right. She wore this to a STREET MARKET.

In one scene, Miranda has organised them to have lunch in the desert, and we're treated seeing them get out in the SAND in their stilettos. That was bad enough. The girls duly complain that they're not dressed appropriately. Miranda explains that since this trip was all expenses paid, she arranged their butlers to get them appropriate clothes.

And we're treated to seeing them stride over the dunes and ride camels while wearing this get up. As Suboo said, "YEUCH! But I feel Charlotte especially lucked out with the spandex!"

The updo was one of Carrie's trademarks, but combined with her long face accentuated by the amount of weight she's lost since the TV series started, the surgical changes and the altered makeup to hide that, not to mention the freaky Madonna arms, this makes Carrie/SJP look like The Alien Queen when shot from the side.

Okay, enough of this. It's like dissecting a car crash.

Put all together, I hope you can all understand when Pooey said her main feeling during the viewing was one of embarrassment for everyone involved in the production, and as a fan of the show. Even our fandom of the show could not erase how painfully bad this movie is. And when you think it can't get worse, there was a karaoke scene where the girls sing Helen Reddy's "I am Woman"

Gor, looking at Carrie/SJP's posing makes me want to slap her

As a happy karaoke-ista, karaoke is about bonding with your friends and having fun. Karaoke is not about singing well and they don't sing well so I won't hold that against them. But karaoke is DEFINITELY NOT about pushing an agenda. We're supposed to feel empowered and cheer along like the rest of the bar audience and again, remember that all women, no matter what culture you're from, are strong and powerful. But it's kinda hard to go *yeah!* when they've spent the rest of the movie basically giving the finger to the culture in which they're meant to be exploring and enjoying.

Despite my blasting, there are a few things that stop the movie from being an absolute shocker :

• The opening scenes showing brief 80s flashbacks and fashions as Carrie describes how they met each other was a bit fun.
• The marriage between Carrie and Charlotte's respective gay bffs Stanford and Anthony is also fun and super campy - Liza Minelli has still got it!
• The sole scene that rung true for me - when Miranda and Charlotte get drunk and discuss the difficulty of being mothers, wanting to work, and how difficult it is to explain that to others.
  
• And...well...I guess the sets were pretty nice, especially Big and Carrie's apartment...

...but that's pretty much it...

And so to end, Pooey told me that since I'd get my review out much faster than hers (if she does it at all), I may use her quote:

"I beg, beg, BEG you, please stop."

That's all that needs to be said.
2/10
Believe it or not, when I started writing this, the rating was actually a 4. After writing and editing this entry, the shockerdom would rear it's head. Yes, it's definitely down there with Paranormal Activity.